Stop forcing yourself to be normal and embrace the random of ADHD

TL;DR (Am I the only one who thinks that these should be at the top?) It seems most readings on how to deal with ADHD symptoms focus on strategies to make us conform to the way “normal” people function. I think there needs to be more of a focus on how ADHDers function in their own way and how we can use that to be extra productive.

In my latest therapy session, I found myself saying these words:

“I latched on to studying ADHD because I knew that my brain worked differently from other people. I figured that if I could learn how I can harness that different way of thinking, then I could use those strengths to solve all or most of my problems. Then it wouldn’t matter if all my furniture was on the ceiling or not, if it meant my house stayed clean, I would just become the quirky guy with furniture on his ceiling!”

You see, I have a huge problem with keeping my living and work space clean. For the most part it’s no problem for me. I know where everything is for the most part, and I’m comfortable working and living in that environment. It only becomes a problem when company comes by. I’m afraid they will be disgusted by my low standards of living and not want to associate with me, but that’s a different topic.

See, just about any research you do online for how to conquer your mess/clutter when you have ADHD seems to point to a single solution. Start small, simplify your task, and work in short bursts. This works for the most part. It allows you to tackle the mess, and get to a clean house. The problem is that the house never stays clean and before you know it we are tackling the mess again in short simple bursts.

That’s when we try and tackle the repetition problem by setting up ways to keep up with the maintenance. We put up checklists, set schedules, and attempt at making these smaller cleanups into new habits for ourselves. Essentially we are trying to force ourselves into behaving like any “normal” person would.

I first stumbled upon this behavior when I was living in my previous apartment. When I woke up in the morning I would walk over a pile of dirty laundry on the floor in the hall. I had a laundry hamper, but it was in my bedroom. The problem was that I didn’t feel like walking through my apartment half or fully naked to my room to place my dirty clothes in the hamper, so they just lived in the hallway until I did laundry. This, however, created a messy look in my apartment, and my cat had a random unfortunate tendency to think that it was an alternative to her litter box. I needed a simple and powerful solution.

That was when I thought to myself “If that’s where I’m throwing my laundry, then that must be where the laundry goes!” So I moved my hamper to fit my behavior. I had to eventually get a skinnier and taller hamper to make room in the hall, but the change had a great effect! I am now describing this behavior as “Embracing the Random”.

Fast forward to today. One of my posts on Reddit prompted a comment from someone in the community. It lead me to this article (We’re Driven by Attention — Not Lacking It) and the one linked inside about the idea of an Interest Driven Nervous System. In it was an interesting sentence that got me thinking:

“As he puts it (consequences be damned), [ADHDers] are only motivated if something is Novel, Interesting, Challenging, or Urgent.”

I considered that if that were true, I could use those attributes to make a priority system for my todo lists. At work I have been having trouble tackling my list of things todo because priorities kept shifting, and I wasn’t interested in certain projects, and I kept hitting road blocks in the projects I liked. Essentially I was being buried by my todo list at work and was anxiety locked, not knowing where to start. So I got to work on my new system instead, thinking that I would end up with something like Stephen Covey’s Time Management Matrix.

What I did find was very interesting. These four attributes have specific properties that affect my behavior. Interesting things will catch my eye and cause me to pay attention to them. These will be things that look abnormal, behave in a way that’s new to me, or are presented to me as a problem I could fix. These interesting things, upon further inspection, will usually lead me to something Novel. These will be things like a new way of thinking that I could learn from, or a simple game to get me better at something I want to be better at. Now, Challenges are different. I define those as something that gets in the way of normal function. In that case, Challenges are the road blocks in our tasks and projects, and the more challenging something is, the more frustrating it gets, and we ADHDers lose interest. So the “Challenge Value” negates the “Interesting Value” of a task. UNLESS the task is urgent. Urgency to a task will overwrite our ability to lose interest, because something of importance is at stake. Therefore the More urgent it is, the more we will dedicate time to it whether we want to or not.

Since I have a background in web design, I ended up thinking of this as program code. Here is what that looks like in psuedocode for those of you who have any interest:

i = Interesting
n = Novel
c = Challenging
u = Urgent

function ADHD {
	For (i = value; i >= 0 ; i--) {
		Do {
			If (taskCompleted) {
				return victorious
			} else if (i <= 0) {
				return defeated
		} while ((n - c) > 0 || u > 0)

function Work (N) {
	if ((N * random) > 50%) {
	If ((brickWall * random) > 50%) {

So… What does this all mean for tackling my todo list. Well, to start off, I took my list and started organizing it in the order of tasks I find most interesting. I also looked at the projects that had the most urgency value and moved them closer to the top. They didn’t get to the top at first despite them being urgent, but that’s because they depended on a few of the non urgent tasks (but more interesting) tasks above them. I think this worked in my favor, because it allowed me to work on more interesting tasks and make progress before I had to move to less interesting projects thereby boarding the “productivity train”. This small change in tactics, allowed me to get more work done in the past few days than I had in a while.

I still have a lot of work to do on this idea, but the progress I have made really helps to drive my point home. If we start using methods that support our ADHD behaviors instead of forcing us to behave the way “normal” people do, I think we will make far more comfortable progress and help WAY more people.

Embrace The Random



Hyperfocusing: A Self Analysis

The following link is the reason why I am writing this blog post.

Part 1: Harness My ADHD Mutant Powers

What is Hyperfocusing? Well, the way I understand it, people with ADHD have a dopamine deficiency in their brain. This causes them to constantly look for stimulation, anything that will cause their body to make more dopamine. I imagine this would make us extremely susceptible to addiction. (Hmm… maybe that’s why I’m overweight. I’ll have to keep an eye on that.) It also means that when we find something that gives us that stimulus, we latch onto it and won’t let go till it stops. This is sometimes called hyperfocusing, when a person with ADHD won’t break away from whatever they are concentrating on. The thing they are fixated on is all encompassing and the world around them drops away. Anyone can do this, and you’ve probably noticed it in your friends. Anytime you try to break their concentration from a project or activity they are passionate about it takes you a while to get their attention. Sometimes you have to kick them or something to get them to listen to you, and they get sad or mad if you pry them away. That is Hyperfocusing. With a person who has ADHD, this can be ridiculously more intense!

I need to start this project by listing all the times I can actively remember hyperfocusing, and then try listing all the reasons Why I was doing it, and all the reasons why I stopped.

The List:

  • Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening
    • Explanation: I LOVED this game as a kid, and I love it now. I just played it and beat it again within the course of 3 days. It’s the game I can always come back to, like a good book.
    • Starters
      • I love puzzles
      • The game is designed to explain the rules without text within the first two dungeons.
      • The Characters are unforgettable, and play off of other Nintendo titles.
      • The game encourages experimentation through its design.
      • It pays fan service to its players by using elements from other Nintendo titles.
      • The game has a clear goal, almost always within view.
      • It has a very simple story.
      • It keeps a lot of it’s lore a mystery, making you want to dig deeper for information.
    • Stoppers
      • The surprise is gone. I’ve played the game so many times, that I’ve seen almost all there is to see.
      • I know the game so well, that there is hardly any challenge anymore
  • MineCraft
    • Explanation: I was addicted to this game for a long time. I was bored and decided to try it out after watching some Let’s Plays on Youtube. It consumed my life at home for a long time. I almost started a Youtube channel on it.
    • Starters
      • The game has a simple design
      • There is SO MUCH POTENTIAL. I can’t understate this. I watch for the updates, just because I know what they COULD do with it.
      • It’s a giant creative playground. You can create almost anything.
      • There is still a chance to discover new things in the world that other people haven’t built yet.
      • You can Build things on a MASSIVE scale.
      • Every new game is different, because the worlds are procedurally generated.
      • The online community is full of some of the friendliest people I’ve ever met online.
      • You can design and build entire cities if you want!
      • When I think of a project, I can clearly picture what I will need to do to accomplish it. It drives me to get it done!
    • Stoppers
      • I got impatient waiting for the creators to improve the game the way I felt it could improve. The game started to feel disappointing.
      • The only way to get appreciation for my projects was to build them huge, which took time laying block by block, and when I finally was finished, the appreciation wasn’t enough to warrant the cost of time and energy.
      • I basically ran out of ideas of things to create that sounded fun because of the previous bullet point.
      • The game has a limited amount of fun stuff to discover, and since it’s procedurally generated, once you discover one, you’ve discovered them all.
  • Programming
    • Explanation: I went to a Vocational School out of High School for two years. One year, I took Web Development. I LOVED that course. I have been wanting to get a job as a programmer ever since. So far, my first year training as an IT guy has taken over my career path, but I am working on adjusting it.
    • Starters
      • When you program (depending on the language) you usually get immediate results and can troubleshoot along the way. It’s extremely satisfying.
      • I got into a situation where I would think of a programming mechanism idea and immediately see how I might be able to accomplish it.
      • sometimes I would come up with an even weirder idea and think to myself “can I do that? will that work” and it would be like a little puzzle to solve.
      • Troubleshooting code, was like searching for a treasure. I know the answer is there, and it will give me instant gratification. All I have to do is find it.
      • Learning the code introduced me to new ways of thinking. The more I learned, the more I wanted to play with it.
    • Stoppers
      • my focus problems distract me from projects. It’s better if I have a teammate working with me on a project.
      • The time I have to allocate for projects is something that is hard to come by these days
      • Having to conform to Industry stupidity, like every browser not rendering CSS the same way, is a tedious pain in the ass.
      • All the syntax is very similar in each language so learning a new one can get boring.
  • Story Writing
    • Explanation: I have a lot of stories wandering around inside my head. When I get into the right groove, I love to write them out, but I have a hard time completing them
    • Starters
      • I can vividly see the concept of what I want to write in my head.
      • It’s pretty fun trying to piece the scenes together to make a good plot.
      • I type WAY more comfortably and faster than I write.
      • Writing is such a nice outlet for my brain. It’s why I have this blog.
      • It’s exciting to write what others might like.
    • Stoppers
      • I tend to drown the story in detail, and the plot moves too slowly to keep me interested in writing.
      • Starting a book at the beginning is a complete drag. It takes so long to get it out of the way.
      • The longer it takes to write, the more my ideas start to sound outdated.
  • Designing a game I call DeathMatch
    • Explanation: I came up with a great concept for a card game called DeathMatch. It was going to be fun to develop with my buddy and hopefully make us some money.
    • Starters
      • There was a “click moment” where the idea came together and I saw everything I needed to do.
      • I was really excited to show my buddy
      • I even saw the designs and the art in my head.
    • Stoppers
      • No art done yet
      • Gotta go through the tedious process of creating test cards to test out the game.
  • Learning/Research
    • Explanation: I get lost in learning new things and doing research on concepts I’m interested. That’s 90% of why I’m on the internet all the time.
    • Starters
      • It’s super easy to google or Youtube a subject to learn more about it.
      • The idea that it could somehow solve all of my life’s problems by learning one simple thing is a huge driver for me.
      • I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time because I’m improving myself.
    • Stoppers
      • Other responsibilities weigh on me and eventually interrupt my flow.
      • sometimes boredom sets in and I go looking for other distractions because I haven’t made enough progress, or the lesson becomes tedious.
      • When I’m reading, the author can be very dry and not entertaining, or go off on a subject I either already know or care nothing about.
  • Mysterious problems at work
    • Explanation: Sometimes problems pop up at work that should be really simple fixes. When they turn out more complicated or the simple fix doesn’t work, it can send me on a drive to fix it that I have a hard time breaking away from.
    • Starters
      • It’s like I have to prove myself by solving it, otherwise my cocky attitude that said “oh this will be easy” will be thrown in my face.
      • There is a sense of urgency because this was supposed to be a quick fix and now it’s interrupting the flow of my day along with the person who’s computer I’m fixing.
      • I don’t wanna look like I actually don’t know what I’m doing. and I want to make the customer happy.
    • Stoppers
      • Time runs out
      • I realize I have spent too much time on the project and I need to get my scheduled work done.
      • I lose interest in the subject.
      • I get too frustrated and have to pull myself away before I look too bad in front of other employees.
  • Movies, TV, and youtube gaming channels
    • Explanation: I find binge watching movies, TV, and Youtube, like everyone else in the world, is extremely addicting. I will constantly go back and rewatch things I have already seen, just because I’m bored or I want entertainment in the background while I do something mundain and/or tedious.
    • Starters
      • I picture a moment from the show in my head and I think to myself “I’d love to watch that again”
      • The premise will intrigue me. I like intelligent movies that I can learn from or that get me thinking.
    • Stoppers
      • Anxiety kicks in when I start thinking about all the things I could be doing instead of sitting in one place staring at a screen.
      • There are too many things my friends want me to watch. Being a geek is exhausting sometimes.
  • Getting High on Weed
    • Explanation: I used to smoke weed a lot. I no longer do and the reasons are in a previous post.
    • Starters
      • Peer pressure from my friends
      • Made me feel good
      • made me laugh
      • focused my thoughts and let them play in my head
    • Stoppers
      • Started scaring me
      • The effects lasted way longer than I wanted them to.
      • See previous blog post
  • Calculating Pi
    • Explanation: A while back, after high school, I found out that Pi is not an exact calculated value. I have heard that if you can calculate it exactly, you will be advancing mathematics and some colleges will offer you a cash prize.
    • Starters
      • It’s a giant puzzle
      • All that I need to do is find a relationship between pi, and the radius or diameter of a circle with diameter 1.
      • If I run through enough numbers, I’m sure to find a correlation.
    • Stoppers
      • I run out of ideas to try
      • Other stuff distracts me
      • I get too tired.
      • I run into a problem about not knowing enough math.
  • Crunch Time
    • Explanation: In true procrastination fashion, I am able to superhumanly focus and get whatever task I need done when I’m super close to a deadline. I don’t understand why I don’t have the “get up and go” any other time!
    • Starters
      • A person is coming over to my house “CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN”
      • That Thing needs to be done now or consequences “DO IT!”
      • The fear of failure
      • The fear of letting someone down
      • I don’t want to be someone you can’t count on. Even though I feel like I am.
    • Stoppers
      • The Deadline arrives
  • Starting Strength
    • Explanation: At one point in December, one or two years ago, I started strength training with a buddy of mine. I started using an app called Starting Strength 5×5. I loved it.
    • Starters
      • The workouts were super simple
      • The workouts were super quick
      • the app did almost all the brain work for me.
      • All the equipment for the workouts were in the same place in the gym.
    • Stoppers
      • Life fucked up my rhythm.
      • my buddy stopped working out around the same time.
      • Gym was too far away.
      • Took a Crossfit class and it was highly unpleasant because it kicked my ass.
  • Juicing
    • Explanation: A few years ago, I went through a two month juice fast. I took the challenge based on my watching of the movie Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. I lost 57 pounds and began running.
    • Starters
      • The movie was incredibly inspiring.
      • I kept learning more and more about juicing and it was getting me pumped
      • I felt unhealthy and wanted to stop feeling that way.
      • During the fast it gave me amazing energy
      • I was seeing quick results
    • Stoppers
      • The two months was up
      • I REEEEEEAAAAAALLLYY wanted to eat solid foods again.
      • It was a long process to make the juice and it required clean up.

The Lessons

As I was writing out this list I came across some similar traits that appear a lot in the starters of each of these hyperfocus moments.

  1. Clear visualization of the goal and the steps to accomplish it.
  2. Searching for the answer to a puzzle
  3. Stimulation from learning new ways of thinking
  4. Simple steps
  5. Quick first results
  6. a challenge to prove myself
  7. fear of letting people down.

And for the stoppers, here is a list of brick walls I have to climb over, break down, or go around.

  1. Complicated steps
  2. long winded steps between accomplishments
  3. Old information
  4. Tedium
  5. Low priorities, there has to be a need.
  6. Interruptions
  7. too much reliance on another person

It looks like I have some new things to analyze. You will be seeing these next steps in the next few blog posts:

  • How to overcome my stoppers
  • What prevents me from starting good habits again?
  • What makes my day happy?

Next, We’ll take a look at all the things that prevent me from starting. And after that, we’ll look at the things that make my day happy.

Harness My ADHD Mutant Powers

For a few weeks now, I have been seeing a therapist. I had to acknowledge that I am too unhappy and too stressed out to not ask for help. It was a decision I had been meaning to make for quite a while, but I was too distracted to make it worthwhile. I think I chose the perfect moment to help myself out, and even better, I also think I found the perfect Therapist.

d573c712af754b0808032c93b7924e87At first it seemed like all our time together was just going to be me venting my frustrations onto a stranger before saying “See you next week!” only to come back to do it all over again. Every session I felt like I had to convey the frustrations of the past week while at the same time trying to pass on the information of a lifetime of frustration that had been building up and building up. Our Sessions always seemed to end too early. I could have spent years constantly talking to him and trying to make him understand why I was there. After many extra long sessions of me pouring out all of my frustrations on to this poor guy (seriously, the life of a therapist must be hard), he finally stopped me to shine some light on the deep darkness of my mind.

A big part of my sessions were me talking about my ADHD-I. I have never been what I have come to understand is “properly diagnosed” but a psychiatrist did run me through a DSM5 questionnaire that said I was right on the border because I didn’t answer positive for any hyperactivity. He even prescribed me some medication that I still take because my other doctor and I decided that it was helping me. This plus me reading up on ADHD and watching countless videos online has lead me to believe that if I were “properly diagnosed” I would test positive for ADHD Inattentive type.

My Therapist heard all of this and came up with an idea. He listened to me for a while on our latest session but stopped me after a bit. His idea was simple and he conveyed it in a way that played on my natural geeky tendencies. He said that I was constantly focused on all of the problems that were plaguing me due to the way my brain works. He said that I know everything I need to know about my ADHD and how it can not only hurt me, but help me too. He said to try breaking free my focus on the negative and refocus it on the positive. What positive traits do ADHD individuals have and how can you harness them like a mutant power?

marvel_charactersOnce he started drawing similarities of my ADHD to that of the X-men, I realized that I was just like any new superhero coming to terms with his or her powers. In Spiderman, Peter Parker is bit by a radioactive spider and given spider powers. Now, unlike me, Peter knew exactly what his new abilities were and how he got them. He also saw the immediate benefits of them. This, for me, was a longer and more confusing journey. I didn’t know why I thought the way I did. It was a problem in middle school all the way up to the day when I discovered ADD, after that, it finally had a name and I was able to research and test myself to see if I fit that mould. Unfortunately, what I didn’t realize is that all Superheroes must come to terms with the negative aspects of their powers. For Peter, he learned that if he didn’t use his powers, his life and the lives of those around him would fall to tragedy. He also learned that telling anyone about his powers could put them in danger. Peter felt a great loss due to the death of his uncle and the alienation of friends and family.

This is a scene you see in every superhero movie. Hell, you see it in every movie where “The Hero’s Journey” takes place. In Spiderman, It’s the scene of Uncle Ben’s Funeral. In X-Men,  It’s the scene where Rogue’s boyfriend is having a seizure on her bed. The Avengers, Bruce Banner passionately talks about his attempted suicide. Lord of the Rings, Frodo sees the effect that the One Ring has on Bilbo. Harry Potter, always getting locked in his “room” for doing magic. Matrix, Neo faints when he realizes the truth of his existence and what his life will be from now on. Frozen, Elsa hurts her sister and locks herself away. Kung Fu Panda, He becomes the dragon warrior but is saddened to find that nobody likes or accepts him. Finding Nemo, Marlin is saddened to find that the only fish willing or able to help him has short term memory loss. I could go on and on.

The interesting thing about these scenes are what happens right after them. Someone who is a little more experienced in this “new world” the hero has stepped into, enters the scene to lend a helping hand. This help usually comes in the form of showing the hero the positives of their new abilities. This person refocuses their thoughts and says “hey, you’re still human so mistakes will happen, but look at the good you can and could do!” In Spiderman, Aunt May reminds Peter that his uncle knew he would grow up to do great things. X-men, Iceman reminds Rogue of the beauty their powers can bring. Avengers, Hulks power can be an immense force in battle when harnessed. Lord of the Rings, Sam constantly reminds Frodo what they are trying to save. Harry Potter, Hagrid brings Harry to a world where magic is accepted and taught to be controlled. Matrix, Neo learns the benefits of tapping into his brain like a computer. Frozen, Elsa is able to build amazingly beautiful structures in a matter of seconds. Kung Fu Panda, Master Shifu shows Po that his passion of food can be transferred to Kung Fu. And finally, in Finding Nemo, Dory shows Marlin that if you persevere through the bad and don’t let it scare you, the world will open up to amazing experiences and lessons.

icemanblowsMy therapist looked at me drowning in all the negativity that my ADHD has seemingly caused me and reminded me that, if properly channeled, my abilities could help me to do amazing things. He told me to focus on all the times where I was being a functional human being. Focus on all the times my thoughts were working exactly how I wanted them to. I need to analyze those moments and discover why I functioning so well. Think of all the times I was hyper-focusing and what caused it. Treat my ADHD as a super power. Learn the physics about my abilities. How do they work? What causes them? What stops them? How can I get the most benefits with the least drawbacks?

That is what this Blog entry is all about. I am taking the first steps towards honing my mutant powers. I am starting my training montage. Step 1: Hyper-focusing. This is a common ADHD trait and I aim to find out how it works. The following blog entry will be all about it.

PS: This song is relevant. Kirby Crackle – The Day My Powers Arrived (YouTube)

Gun Control. We need a system.

With the recent shooting in California, in the wake of the events that took place in France, which was in the wake of another shooting in Oregon, not to mention all the ones in between and before, The internet is once again up in arms about Gun Control in America.

Side note: Yes I know that France is in Europe, but it still gets Americans talking about gun control.

Side Side Note: My sympathies to all those families that these incidents have affected.

I get frustrated every time this happens, not for the obvious tragic reasons, and not for the selfish reason of seeing the internet once again decorated with second amendment quotes and “These other countries are doing it” arguments.

No I get frustrated because it follows a pointless pattern each time and no one seems to be learning from it.

Here is the pattern so everyone can see it.

  1. Shooting happens
  2. Everyone grieves briefly for the tragedy.
  3. Some internet Bunghole says “SEE GUNS ARE BAD!!!”
  4. Some other internet Bunghole says “NO GUNS ARE GOOD!!!”
  5. Everyone starts Yelling their opinion that falls on one side or another.
  6. People get tired of arguing and interest and awareness peters out and nothing gets done.
  7. Start from Step 1

This happens over and over and over and over….

here is the problem. Imagine a bunch of school kids all bunched together in a circle and tied up with one big rope going around them. That rope represents our country, The kids represent the people in that country. The kids have all been told that they have the freedom to do whatever, but they have to stick together as a whole, which means if the group wants to go somewhere, they have to work together.

In a situation like this, it’s pretty obvious what will happen. everyone in the group will try and go their own way for a second which will yield no progress. Then some of the kids will group up and force the direction of the whole group their way with sheer power in numbers. eventually those groups will team up with other groups to have more power. There is always one kid who notices that Numbers are the key to moving the whole group so they start speaking louder to rally the other groups to their aid. Let’s call this person Jane. Jane speaks out and says to the whole group of kids “hey we’re all moving this way, If you move this way too, we’ll get somewhere” and suddenly the whole group starts moving in a single direction.

After that goal is accomplished, eventually a need will arise that affects the whole group. In this Example, little Johnny needs to go to the restroom. he voices his need, but his strength alone can’t move the group. so his friends speak decide to help him and now Johnny has a group. However, even Johnny’s friends are not able to budge the group by themselves. This is because the other groups have a mindset of “isn’t my problem” and “why should I care, it doesn’t affect me.”

word of this problem begins to spread throughout the whole group. Eventually it even reaches back to Jane. She hears about little Johnny’s problem but doesn’t see the need to do anything about it, however while she discusses it with her friends, someone mentions “well, what if it was you who had to use the restroom? Eventually, we will all need to at some point.” Jane figures this is a good point, but has no solution, her friends can’t think of one either, but another group suggests that the whole group should move toward the restroom for easy access. Jane’s friends think this is a good idea and the other kids that have heard the rumors like it as well. Jane decides to take action! She yells out that the group is headed for the restrooms and they all set off on a mission to save poor johnny, and by extension, the whole group.

This is all and good. but what if the problem is a little more individualized problem. Let’s say a Teacher comes by, Mr. Wesson we’ll call him, and offers each of the kids the challenge of responsibility. He offers each of the children an egg. The benefit of the egg is that you can toss it up and down to provide entertainment, or protect yourself by throwing it at someone and if you keep it throughout the lesson, you get extra credit for the responsibility. The one rule is, if the egg breaks and it gets on you or anyone else, those people have to leave the group forever. You will receive a new egg if you survive the old one breaking. You can also choose to not have an egg so there’s no chance of you accidentally eliminating yourself from the group, or you can take the risk and responsibility and feel awesome because you are one of the egg carriers.

what happens is that some kids take the eggs and some don’t. The ones that took the eggs are for the most part responsible and mature about them. However there are a small percentage that do break eggs. Some do it accidentally whether by holding it wrong or by playing with it too much. Those kids are eliminated along with some of their friends who happen to in range of the egg splatter. other kids, mean kids, use theirs to throw at other kids usually taking out several from the splatter. then other kids take the responsibility of using their eggs to take out the mean kids, being careful not to get splatter on innocent kids (not always successfully but they try hard).

Now a large number of people’s friends are gone and the remaining population is upset and mourns their loss. It is decided in everyone’s minds that something needs to be done. so that no one else is lost. however, the only thing that seems to appease the Eggless group is to take away all of the eggs. the Egg holders don’t like this idea. It takes away their entertainment, protection, and extra credit. An argument breaks out with one group yelling “Eggs are bad!” the other group yelling “Eggs are Good!” The group is still split about 50/50.

Throughout the argument, eyes all start to focus on Jane. “She’s our leader, She’ll know what to do!!!” but Jane doesn’t know what to do. She wants to solve the problem, but either choice she makes will end in disaster, either losing her popularity or even getting hit with an egg. She doesn’t want the chance of that, even though she has a small secret group of egg holders protecting her at all times. Her friends are no help because they are split down the middle as well, whenever she tries to go with one side the other blocks her from making the change happen.

Sound Familiar? What’s the Solution?

Little Johnny, as it turns out, can help. He carries an egg himself, but understands the point of view of his eggless friends. While he can’t outright solve the problem, he can help the situation. He remembers things he’s been taught before, like “Stop, Drop, and roll”, “Duck, and Cover” and “Say no to drugs” and feels like there should be something for this situation as well.

Little Johnny proposes the following: Everyone is allowed to have an egg. But the egg must be kept in a little box. If the egg is ever seen by anyone they should say “I see an egg!” so that everyone pays attention to the one holding the egg. If the egg is ever out of a box and seen then they should yell “Danger, Egg! Danger, Egg!!!” at which point anyone with an egg should take theirs out of the box and be ready to defend themselves and others.

In order to keep the Egg holders happy, they will be able to take the eggs out of the box in the privacy of their own homes or in designated Egg playing zones.

Word of Johnny’s idea spreads through the group and makes it to Jane. She loves the idea and puts it into play immediately. She informs everyone of the “Johnny Law” and every egg holder is given a box. people are MUCH Safer and Eggs still get to be held by the egg holders.

Hey do you get the message?

The gun argument is not going to budge, and the president can’t do anything about it without the support of the rest of the government and wouldn’t want to anyway cause it could jeopardize his life and career.

Instead, why don’t we come up with a system.

I’m not a catch phrase writer so I haven’t come up with a good catch phrase to drive this thing home with, but I think about it like “Stop, Drop, and roll”, “Duck, and Cover” and “Say no to drugs”. We need to train our citizens on what to do when they are around guns to make everybody safer.

First of all, every gun owner should know that AS a gun owner, you will have a responsibility for the ones around you. You always have, but now we are really gonna drill that in your mind. You could be called upon at any moment to defend yourself and others, just by owning a gun.

When out in the public, your gun should be concealed. either in a cloth case or in a holster under your clothes. Now, if you are anywhere out in public and see a person’s gun, it will be your duty to say out loud “I see a weapon!” and indicate where by looking and pointing. As the one with the gun, it will be your duty to re-conceal the weapon. (Accidents happen, shirts roll up, jackets flap open, whatever). If you see that person’s gun out of it’s holster or case, You should then begin to yell out “Danger Gun DANGER Gun Danger Gun!” As a nearby gun carrier, you now have a permission and duty to draw your weapon and point at the danger gun. As the one WITH the danger gun, you have two choices, either put your weapon away, or face the wrath of the other gun holders around you.

In fact, the mere act of creating a danger gun situation should be punished. first by a warning, and eventually leading to jail time and confiscation of weapons.

We need to drill these steps into the minds of Americans and make this a mandatory procedure to follow. It won’t take guns away from American’s, It won’t completely eliminate the danger, BUT it will make things much safer and maybe reduce the number of incidents like Columbine, Sandy Hook, and Roseburg Oregon.

One More Review!

  1. Conceal your Weapons
  2. If you see it, say it “I SEE A WEAPON!”
  3. Not in it’s Holster? Yell it! “DANGER GUN! DANGER GUN! DANGER GUN!

If you can make it catchier, PLEASE DO!!

Thank you for your time!

My Weight Loss Journey: Part 1 Why?

I have a confession to make… I’m a big fat guy!

Sure, I can point it out and laugh, just as anybody else could… and did, back in my school days! I can accept it as a part of who I am and just move on with my life. OR… and here is the awesome part… I could fight against it!

 Shadow of the Colossus by ChasingArtwork

Shadow of the Colossus by ChasingArtwork

When you think of the word “Epic”, many things might spring to mind. The thing that springs to mind for me is a single hero, with the support of many, going to war against an unimaginably huge army for a cause of saving everything! Or maybe that hero is facing an enemy so large that there is seemingly no way that he could possibly survive the encounter, much less win. I like to think of my weight loss journey the same way. After all of the times I have tried and failed at losing weight, that’s what this has become, an Epic battle against insurmountable odds that truly are stacked against me.

Yet, throughout all of my trials and tribulations, one question seems to keep popping up out of nowhere. Why? Why are you fighting this battle? Why do you keep moving forward? Why wont you just give up already? This question is a test. It’s the puzzled look on the bowman’s face after he has just shot an arrow into your shoulder and you continue to charge! It’s the look in the eyes of the Giant who has just finished trying to shake you off of him for the 8th time. It’s the astonished look on the enemy general’s face as you walk towards him unscathed passed a pile of his dead soldiers. It comes up at some of the worst times too! It shows up 3/4 through that run when your hitting your wall. It shows up just as the reps start to hurt. And it always shows up when you’re staring at that last big hill before the finish line. You see it hanging there… all goes quiet… and in your mind, the loudest whisper in existence… WHY?

Nerd Fitness Academy BannerMost recently this question popped up in a new program that I’m trying called Nerd Fitness Academy. In it, you take your desire for health and fitness and put it in the form of a Role Playing Game. You name your character, choose your class (warrior, Ranger, Assassin, Druid, etc) and it gives you quests to complete on that chosen path. You can stray from your path as much as you want, or stay firm on your chosen course. Regardless of the path, one of the First quests is titled “Find Your Big Why” This makes sense, because at times it’s the only deciding factor in your decision to keep going or sit on the couch and down a box of cookies.

a picture of me.

Told Ya!

Now, I could take the easy way out and just look at the top line of this blog. I’m a big fat guy! That’s a pretty good “Why” right??? No… that’s way too easy! We need to dig deeper! Why do any of us want to lose weight? I can name a few of those I relate to. To be healthy, to fit into better clothes, to look sexy for the ladies, to have more confidence at work, to have more energy, and to have the options to do more activities are all good reasons. I think this is close, but I feel like we need to go at least One more layer down to really get to the heart of it.

If you are going to find your why, you have to be completely and brutally honest with yourself. This is YOURSELF you are talking to. Don’t beat around it. Just say it and get it off your chest. Not only will you feel better, but you will finally be able to move forward and in my Nerd Fitness case I will be able to get some “XP” in the process. If bringing your “Why” to the surface, doesn’t make your eyes well up at least a little, your doing it wrong and you need to go deeper. Find what you are here for Emotionally. It’s the only fuel your engine will take.

Here it goes! Fragdemented, why do you want to lose weight?

It’s not just one thing… It’s Everything! I’m sick and tired of always being sick and tired! I wan’t to know what it’s like to feel like a normal human being! Sure every guy imagines himself as the winner of the strongman competition or the sexy male lead in an action movie that all the women swoon over, but I just want to be normal! Is that so fucking hard to ask?

I’ve had people on multiple occasions suggest lap band surgery or stomach stapling! Why in the hell should I have to cut into my body and artificially modify it?!?! It shouldn’t be this hard to be a normal sized individual. I can’t just live my life and be a normal size, I have to spend several hours of my day exercising, and the way things are looking I will have to continue doing so for the rest of my life. jim carrey tweetThat’s an even better “Why”! Why do some of us need to practically kill ourselves to be healthy and others can spend all day indulging on the sweets of life and never gain a pound?!?!?! I hate it! I hate being Fat!

I want to know what it’s like to have someone admire me for my body. I want to be able to walk into a store and pick out clothes my size no matter where i am. I want to not have to ask the stewardess in an airplane for a seat belt extension. CAN’T THEY JUST BUILD RE-TRACTORS INTO THE SEATS AND MAKE THE BELTS LONGER?!?!?!?! I want have the satisfaction of not worrying if something will hold my weight. I want to be able to zip up my jackets. I want to not have to pull my pants up over a giant belly flab!  I want to eat an ice cream cone and not worry about the calorie intake. I want to eat ALL of  my meals and not worry about the calorie intake!

Skinny people all over the world, you have NO IDEA what it’s like to be stuck in a fat body! You have no idea the pain and agony we put ourselves through emotionally and physically! Can you say that you worked your ass off to lose 57 pounds in two months only to have it fall right back into your body in half the time!? I certainly can, and it’s some of the most crushing emotional pain you will ever experience in your life!

fat guy in a little coat

Why am I here? Why am I constantly torturing myself by changing the way I eat, the food I eat, and the activities I do? Because I want to know what I’m doing wrong! Something is seriously and horribly wrong with the way I live and I don’t know what it is. I’m depressed all the time, I’m lethargic all the time, there are days when I can’t think straight at all, and I don’t know what I can do about it.

I don’t eat much. When I have a meal now, it usually consists of a couple spoonfuls of meat (turkey, beef, chicken), and a mixture of vegetables that I steamed up a bit. I’m drinking water all the time, and I don’t drink coffee anymore. I’ve switched entirely to tea with the one exception of a chai latte from the coffee shop sometimes.

piggy swimming

This is pointless

I am exercising every single day now. I go lap swimming every other day on the weekdays, usually completing anywhere between 36 and 48 Fifty yard laps and 192 pull-ups on the bars at one end of the pool! Doesn’t that sound awesome and healthy?! last year I was able to jog a full 5k! I’m pretty sure I still could, but would it do me any good?

My weight doesn’t want to budge. I still weigh 366lbs! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??? That’s why I’m here. I have to solve the puzzle. I have to know my body! Only when I figure it all out, will I be able to move on to other important things in my life.

I hope you enjoyed reading my angry weight loss rant. I plan to do more of these in the future. They will mostly be based on the things I’ve learned on my weight loss journey. If you are trying to lose weight, let me know your “Why?” in the comments below! I would love to hear that I’m not alone in my struggle. Feel free to ask questions or let me know any future topics you would like me to write about!

Thank you for your time!

Blog Post of Ultimate Randomness #1

Recently I posted a question on my Facebook page asking all my friends to ask me a question. I was hoping to gain some insight for a subject to write an eBook on, but I ended up getting sillier responses than I was going for. Not wanting to waste awesome questions, I decided to write this post. I titled it “#1” because I can see this happening again in the future.

I want to generate some extra content for my blog! So, if you could ask me to answer any question, what question would you ask me? Feel free to submit multiple questions. I feel like writing.

Question 1 by Ceirra:

OK…so in a ‘sliders’ scenario, what type of alternate universe would you be least excited to see yourself in? What would your ideal universe be?

Sliders 90s TV Show

If you haven’t seen it, go find it now!!!

Interesting Question (and kudos on the Sliders reference!). Honestly I can think of a TON of alternate universes that I would rather not be a part of. The first one that comes to mind is a world where Hitler won the war! I’m not fond of a world where Nazi’s are in control. Also, any world where a swarm of bees has replaced the dog as a household pet. Honestly, i could spend a lot of time listing alternate universes that would really really suck. I’ll list off a couple now:

  • Universe where the zombie apocalypse has occurred.
  • Any Apocalypse universe really, be it zombie, robot, flooding, holy, or otherwise.
  • A Universe where the worst tasting a food is to me, the better it is to everyone else.
  • A universe where electricity was never harnessed.
  • A universe where outdoor plumbing is preferred.
  • A universe where rednecks have all the money and political power.
  • A universe where we cant see anything in space past our atmosphere.
  • A universe where time travel is as common as an iPod.
  • A universe where being cool is a currency.
  • A universe where humans are a hive mind.

The list goes on.

Stand Back, I'm going to Try Science! for the T-Shirt

As for my ideal universe… It’s rather hard to pick one, because there always seems to be an unforeseen downside (My Friend H could point it out in a heartbeat!). However, if I had to pick one, it would be this. A universe where progress and Advancement toward the betterment of all mankind was held in high esteem.

Think about it. Everybody would be focused on bettering the system instead of the petty arguments we have about who’s system is better. I wish the focus was less on the “self” and more on the “everybody”. For God’s Sake, we barely even think about space travel anymore! It’s all about the money and making yourself into a millionaire. Maybe there needs to be something in place where You can’t be a millionaire on your own, but the part of the system you are working on could become a Billionaire or higher and you would be given credits based on that value.

I don’t know, food for thought.

Question 2 by Candace:

Josh…..was that hanging of mine, Buddha? Lol

This one needs a bit of explanation…

A few years back, my friend Candace lived in an apartment close to mine. One day when I was there for a visit, I commented on a wall hanging she had in her front room. My memory sucks so I can’t remember how the conversation ended up where it ended up, and I don’t want to try just in case I butcher the facts.

A buddha. Not the buddha, A buddha.

The wall hanging was something vaguely reminiscent of this.

The short version is this: She thought the picture on the wall hanging was Buddha and I did not.

My logic went like this. I had, at that time, recently gotten really in to zen and Buddhism teachings. I had read several books and all sorts of articles online. In every one of the things that I read it states that there is no such deity named Buddha. The word Buddha means “Enlightened One” and it is a label given to anyone who has reached enlightenment. A Buddha is a teacher by example. You are to learn from his/her ways in order to achieve enlightenment yourself.

Now here is where I lose all credibility. There was a PERSON named Gautama Buddha! He is considered to be the first Buddha, and in the early stages of Buddhism he was the only one, AND his name was used to label others that had reached enlightenment just like him later on.

Buddha Quote PictureSo… You COULD say that that wall hanging was a picture of Buddha, but I say otherwise. It may be a depiction of the likeness of Gautama Buddha, but that’s as far as I can take it. I say that it is a picture of A Buddha, an enlightened one, and nothing more. It did look rather nice hanging on her wall though. I was kind of jealous at the time.

In the end this turned out to be a dumb argument between two drunk and possibly stoned friends that we decided to just agree to disagree on.

(but you just had to bring it up again… didn’t you Candace…) lol

Question 3 by Sean:

Tell us you BF4 war stores and the epic tales of the human flash bang! Lol

Flash Bang QuoteOh Sean, you silly boy. You know The Human Flash Bang is just a myth… A legend! But… *sigh* I suppose, if you need a bedtime story I’ll oblige. Submitted for the approval of the Battlefield Society, I call this story…


What Follows are the only three reported, eye witness accounts of The Human Flash Bang and his unusual behaviors:

Stabba Stabba Stabba
Testimonyby T4NKuV3ryMuch

War is hell… Unless you’re playing war on Battlefield 4 that is! It’s all the awesomeness of shooting guns, flying jets, and blowing things up without the pain or death of getting shot. Take a bullet or 12, and all you have to do is use a medkit or press the respawn button. It’s really a great way to unwind and take out stress.

But there is another side to Battlefield… Sometimes you can’t unsee the things you have seen. Sometimes things linger in the mind cause vivid nightmares and tumors later on. Sometimes you see something that just makes NO GOD DANG SENSE that you just can’t move past it. It haunts me to this day… The horror… The horror…

It started out as your typical day on the Battlefield. The Squad Alpha and I and a couple other squads were laying siege against the Dorito Horde (that’s what we call the bad guys, because our targeting cameras show these little reddish-orange triangles over their heads) and trying to take the Golmud Railway. Why anyone would want to take this dusty crap hole as part of their strategy is beyond me, but my rank dictated that I don’t ask such questions.

Being the Tank specialist bad-ass that i am, I decided to roll out with my buddy Blight32 in a M1 Abrams Tank. I love to cause some havoc in a Tank! For a while we were doing really well. We took out a couple of jeeps, an enemy tank, and a Missile truck that was causing hell for our guys at objective Bravo. Blight32 did a great job keeping C4 Soldiers off of me with his trusty Machine Gun. We never could have guessed how it was all going to end.

We had just taken objective Charlie and were heading up to give support to our squad mates at Alpha and Bravo. Heading up a dirt road in the middle of town, we came upon some high walls on either side of us. Then suddenly, BLAM!!!

“RPG on our Left!” I yelled to Blight32 turning my Main Gun toward the source of the smoke trail. That’s when I saw him, but only for a second, The Human Flash Bang himself. No one knows how the legend started, but I believe every word after what happened next.

He ducked behind the wall to our left, but it was soon turned to dust by the hands of my main gun. When the smoke cleared there was no soldier to be found. That soon changed as the soldier jumped out from behind another piece of the wall and fired. Acting quickly I popped the Active Protection shielding I had earned only a few battles back. I was just in time as the RPG Detonated a mere few feet from the tank leaving us unharmed from the attack.

Blight32 took aim with his machine gun and pulled the trigger to end the confrontation. We both thought it was over, but then the soldier did the one thing we never could have predicted… Throwing down his spent Rocket Launcher he took the knife off of his belt… and charged!..

Stabbing a tank with a knife

It could work… right?

Lucky for him we were in a position that compromised us. When he had charged, he had dropped down off of a hill which put him just below where Blight32’s gun could reach him. Through a hail of gunfire whizzing overhead he ran as fast as he could to the front left of our tank… and began stabbing FURIOUSLY! In the muffled chaos I faintly heard the sound of a crazy-ass soldier saying “Stabba! Stabba! Stabba! I Stabba You! IIIIIIII STABBA YOU!!!”

I was dumbfounded. Blight32 was dumbfounded. We both stared blankly at our screens not knowing what to do with what could only be described at the time as the dumbest thing any soldier has ever done to try and kill a tank! The idiot who tried to blow me up with a grenade launcher a couple months back was using smarter tactics… so I thought.

Unbeknownst to us, in all the commotion and confusion, neither Blight32 nor I noticed the C4 soldier taking this golden opportunity to load up our tank for a trip to the moon. A few seconds into the gloriously confusing words of “I Stabba You”, My screen erupted with fire and the ever familiar words of “You have been killed by [Insert Name Here]” flashed up on my screen… I had been killed. The soldier that had the balls to charge a tank with nothing but a knife, had been a distraction this entire time. He had acted as a Human Flash Bang!

While I never found out his screen name, and still haven’t encountered him since, I still remember the faint sound of his dying laughter before it all went dark. To this day I suffer from nightmarish flashbacks. Images of a man slashing at the shell of a tank and the haunting words “Stabba… Stabba… Stabba…”

Jenkins, Party of One
Testimony by SUPASoldya06

There we were, heavy in the shit. Chaos all around us. Soldiers falling left and right. Grenades everywhere! I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Three of us had barely survived a tank ready to pop us an explosive suppository. I thought for sure that Fight4Cheetos would be the first to crack, but then Boner422 lead us in to this empty garage to regroup.

We took a second to breathe, and comment on how much of an ugly bug planet it was out there. However, it wasn’t long before we made a plan to take and hold point Charlie. We were just about to roll out, our moral regaining it’s strength, when we heard it. My blood runs cold just thinking about the faint sound about to dart through the door.


leeroy Jenkins Art

Click to watch the infamous video if you’ve never seen it.

I turn to the door as my squad mates do the same, just as a lunatic soldier bursts through with his machine gun in hand and starts spraying & praying! All three of us dart around the room dodging gunfire, before finally managing to gun him down. We all paused for a second to marvel at what we believed to be the biggest epic fail we had seen all day… but in all the commotion, we failed to notice the other enemy solder in the doorway.

Looking back now, I know it was an obvious distraction. I had heard of the Human Flash Bang before, but I’d never witnessed him, whoever he is. All i know is it’s now possible he has a partner in crime. A cleaner. If you really want to know who the Human Flash Bang is you’ll have to search for a man named Kitridge.

Testimony by SnipeZilla_403

I love sniping. It’s the ultimate point and click adventure! There’s a red guy, click. There’s a red guy, click, There’s a red guy, click. It’s so satisfying to know that with my awesome shooting skills, my teammates will be able to take Lancang Dam with little difficulty. Meanwhile their guardian angel watches from up on the Tallest building at Charlie.

It was just like any other day. I was sighted up on some wannabe soldiers trying to take back Alpha. I must of really pissed off this JManAK guy because he tried sniping me back. Too bad I am just WAY better at this than he is. Pfft! What a noob! After popping his melon I took up aim on another soldier close by. That’s when I started hearing this annoying ass buzzing sound! I looked up from my scope to see a MAV hovering over head.

Now on any other map, I would have looked at this MAV as a potential threat. I would have taken out my pistol and shot it down, but in this instance, I saw it as nothing more than noise pollution. I’m on top of a building, where the only thing that can reach me is another sniper, or a competent chopper pilot. I didn’t see either one trying to take this dam. Let him hover around like a moron, he’s doing no harm to my KDR!

Micro Air Vehicle (MAV)

Micro Air Vehicle (MAV)

However, it was when I went back to sniping, that I started to regret my decision. The MAV flew closer, darted in and out of my line of fire, did figure eights over my head, flew in circles around me. I started getting really frustrated. Buzz Buzz Buzz, It was annoying as hell! At one point I was lined up on what I suspect was that JManAK guy again, when that Damn thing darted in front of my scope and made me miss my shot!

“That does it!” I stood up from my perch and took a swipe at it with my knife. I missed by only an inch! Blind with rage I took out my sidearm and shot at it about three times… all misses. I was almost gonna lose it when I calmed myself down, took a deep breath, and sighted up on him. That’s when I took a SMAW to the knee, the match ended, and my sniping day was over. I only caught a quick glimpse of the one who killed me. JmanAK had finally gotten revenge! Smug little bastard probably still thinks about it out in Arkansas or wherever he’s from.

Now I know people are going to bitch and say that this behavior doesn’t match some of the other accounts of the fabled Human Flash Bang, but really think it may have been him. I’m also starting to think that HFB might be random soldiers channeling the spirit of some guy who once did something really stupid, that ended up ending with awesome consequences. I wonder if we’ll ever find out.

Question 4 by Amanda:

what is your spirit animal lol

To be honest, when I first read this? I had no idea how to answer it. I have never explored spirit animal lore. However I’m very open to other people’s beliefs and I wanted to learn more once I heard the question. So, after a quick Google search and finding out what it was I was trying to look for, I took steps to find my animal spirit.

Here is an excerpt from

There are many ways to find which spirit animal is linked you. When starting on the path of discovery, it’s important to remember that a spirit animal cannot be chosen. It “chooses” you.

In most cases, spirit animals will be most present when you journey out of your conventional state of mind, such as during meditations, day dreams, night dreams, or other altered states of consciousness.

They can also come to you in their physical form. You will notice them because of an unusual behavior or multiple encounters in a short time span.

After reading that and a couple more sources on the subject, I decided that probably the easiest way to find my spirit animal would be to simply call it forth. The next night I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. Closing my eyes I said the words out loud, “I call forth my animal spirit. Please reveal yourself to me and guide me on my path through life. Show me your true form so that I may follow your guidance.” and with that I shifted to a more comfortable position and drifted off to sleep.

That night… I had a nightmare…

I awoke to sounds outside of my bedroom window. I sat up and looked around. I was in my old house in Moose Pass. The lights are on in the house, but it’s dark outside. As I glanced out the window to see the source of the sounds, I saw a black shadow dart by barely illuminated by the light from inside my room. It was too fast to identify, but that suddenly didn’t matter as the sound of howling soon came from every direction sending a icy chill directly up my spine. 

“The front door, they were headed to the front door!” I burst out of bed running through the hall and into the living room. It’s dimly lit, and even though I can feel the presence of my family in the house, I do not notice where exactly they are or if they are in fact moving at all. I imagine them frozen, as unable to move as the furniture around me. 

Black wolf pictureI reach for the door. I hear them, a whole pack of wolves growling and hungry, all of them ready to tear me apart. Just as my hand touches the doorknob, the door flies open and a black wolf with Icy reflecting eyes stares at me. I am lost in his gaze only noticing the rest of the pack in my peripheral vision as they push each other around like an angry mob. A mere second passes feeling like an eternity. Then the black wolf leaps at me followed by a seemingly unending torrent of wolves of all shapes and sizes. I shut my eyes in panic and am unable to see anything that happens next, but I am left with the sounds of ripping and tearing.

I woke up with a start and sat straight up in bed. “Wow, it was all just a dream!” I thought to myself. Then I thought to myself “I asked for my spirit animal to reveal itself and guide me and that’s the dream I have? That doesn’t seem right.” When I pictured my spirit animal giving me guidance, I expected something calm and surreal. Like Me standing in a street and the animal leads me somewhere significant. I decided to look my dream up right away.

Again I went to and found some interesting info.

A wolf totem animal can represent a perceived threat or feeling you are being threatened. The presence of this spirit animal could be a reminder of an event, situation or a person you feel threatened by.

The wolf could reflect something that may have a “predatory” feel to it and instill a feeling of vulnerability that is not reassuring. Encountering your spirit animal in such a way invites you to look at who or what in your life is having such an influence.

Perhaps your spirit animal is warning you about challenges with personal boundaries: You may feel you have exposed yourself too much with someone or in a certain situation and need to pull back or strengthen emotional or physical boundaries with that person or in the context of that experience. The wolf as a spirit animal could also remind you that you’re facing stiff competition at work or that the behavior of people around may feel like you have to deal with a “pack of wolves”.

I want to look into some more interpretations because this hit home in a few places. I will definitely pursue communicating with my spirit animal on a regular basis. I felt like I needed to learn something crucial from this experience and if I didn’t I would be in danger of life tearing me apart like that pack of wolves.

All in all I’m really glad I was able to have this experience. Thank you Amanda for the awesome question that helped me understand myself a little better!

Question 5 by Mike

If you had a comet named after you – what would it be like?

Upon first reading this question, I was taken back to my favorite scene in the movie Armageddon:

[On the phone talking about the asteroid headed for Earth]

Carl: One more thing, the person who finds it gets to name it right?

Government Agent: Y-Yes that’s right, that’s right.

Carl: I wanna name her Dotti after my wife…

[Dotti looks flabbergasted as her jerk of a husband says the sweetest words she has ever heard. She moves her hand to her heart.]

Carl: …She’s a vicious life sucking bitch, from which there is no escape.

[Dotti’s face drops all signs of joy and happiness as her head drops to rest on her fist which is firmly displaying a middle finger in contempt.]

Taking that into account, I would have to say that my comet is a strange case. It would be slow moving and pretty heavy. However, sometimes it would fly too close to the sun and lose some of it’s mass only to gain some or all back later. It would have no discernible flight path, just hopping in between random orbits. However it would hang around the Earths spacial neighborhood, never venturing too far. It would have ambition though. It would have lots and lots of ambition to be the best comet it could be, and someday it would leave the solar system and travel to the far reaches of the galaxy to become an even better comet. For now though, it’d be content with the Sol it’s got.

Question 6 by Brenda

If you were stranded on an island what three items would you want to have with you and how would you use them?

This is a fun one to answer. There are so many things that come to mind. The first three being a kayak or canoe, an oar, and a backpack full of MREs. I can’t do that though, it’s too easy an escape. I assume your looking for something a little more interesting than an automatic ticket off the island. The key to the Rum Runners cellar door seems like a good call. It would make for some very interesting evenings at least.

Let’s see… Let’s… see…Why is the rum gone gif

I think my first choice would have to be, a backpack full of books. There are several books that I would choose:

  • Way of the peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman
  • The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Series by Douglas Adams
  • The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
  • Tough Sh-t by Kevin Smith
  • American on Purpose by Craig Ferguson

But I guess if your looking for a one item answer, I would have to choose The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Zen Living by Gary R. McClain. That book would have the story telling and guidance that would help me keep my sanity whilst on the island for who knows how long. It’s written in an entertaining way and has a LOT of interesting knowledge in it.

castaway wilson faceI would really only like to waste one thing on non-survival items, but I bet your looking for me to survive on my own and you want these to all be things that would only help me psychologically. Therefore in lieu of water, or food, or medical gear, next I would choose a picture of my family. It would allow me to think back on times we had together and keep my hope alive that I would someday see their faces again.

Finally, I really would want to bring my trusty IRBI Knife. It would be SOOOOO dang valuable on an island! I’m sure I don’t have to list the reasons. Have no fear though, I won’t cop out on you now. A knife is a survival tool and I’m trying like hell to stay away from those in this reply. My final choice would be a high range telescope.

I have the zen book to keep me in the now, where I belong. I have the family photo to allow me to look upon the past. The telescope provides for the future. During the day I would use it to search the skies and the horizon for hope of rescue. During the nights I would gaze upon the stars in the greatest stargazing spot EVER!guy stuck in sand reading book

That’s it I guess. A book, a photo, and a high range telescope. I think I would do just fine on that island if I had those things. However, I’m going to stick to wishing that I never am stuck on an island like that. No offense to the island of course.

In Conclusion…

I really enjoyed writing this blog post and I will probably do another one in the future. Currently though I have plans to write a couple of Ebooks. One will be on Computer questions and the next will be about Juicing. I also have plans to write one about the effects of Marijuana on the system, since it’s going to be an upcoming topic in Alaska and several other states.

Thank you to everyone who participated in this blog! If you would like to be considered for the next Blog Post of Ultimate Randomness, please leave your questions below in the comments.

Happy New year and have a wonderful day!

Sony! Help us defeat the Playstation Moneygrubbers!!!

I am very disappointed in the world lately. More specifically the United States. More specifically the Moneygrubbing Bastards that decided to deny me an awesome Playstation!… Let me explain.

As you may or may not be aware, I am a Playstation Gamer. I’m not necessarily a fanboy (though I’m not sure if I am allowed to be the one who gives or takes that label). I just prefer the Playstation to all other forms of gaming (yes I have tried the others). That being said, I have owned a Playstation through every generation. PS, PS2, PS3 and I still have a working Original Playstation! I have never had to repair it and I still power it up from time to time to play some of the classics.

20th Anniversary Original Grey Playstation 4

Look how Freakin Cool that is!

As you may or may not also be aware, recently Sony decided to do something really cool for their 20th Anniversary and release an Original Grey Playstation 4. Not only was it the same color as the Original Playstation, but it was serial Numbered with an aluminum badge. The Logos were even in full color! This thing was awesome and I totally wanted one!

The only thing that had been stopping me from buying a Playstation 4 so far (and still is) is that there aren’t that many games for the system that I really want. Currently I am main lining Battlefield 4 for Playstation 3, and I could be playing it on a Playstation 4, but I don’t feel like throwing down $560 bucks for a game that I basically already own. I am waiting for Mighty No. 9, but I know how that game is going to be already. I think No Man’s Sky looks interesting and cool, but it’s not out yet. The bottom line is that I just am not ready for a Playstation 4.

Shut up and take my money memeHowever, when I saw that 20th Anniversary Edition Original Grey Playstation 4 I changed my tune really quick! I said to myself “If I’m going to buy a PS4 early, that’s going to be the one I own!!!” I was so very ready to drop $500 on the table for this thing! I even went to and bookmarked the Playstation Page. I was ready to pounce when it came available!

Then the day came, and no PS4. I refreshed as often as I could, looking for the new entry in the Sony store, but sadly that never came. I then did a Google search and found an article stating that the 20th Anniversary edition had gone on sale and was sold out already. It also went on to say that they were already showing up on Ebay for twice the price and Higher!

*DEEP BREATH*……[Expletive Deleted]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This makes me feel cheated! One, the Playstation never showed on the store as was promised. Two, A long time loyal customer loses out on an awesome piece of Playstation history, because of a bunch of Moneygrubbing turds who just want to turn a profit. It’s unfair and stupid!

I hope you are reading this Sony! A long time fan of your products feels cheated! I want to know if you are going to try and make this right. I’m not saying I want you to send me a PS4 and I’m not saying you should buy up the ones on eBay and resell them to people like me. I am saying that you should try something to get a little justice for the fans that were cheated out of a cool product! If it were me, and I saw this atrocity taking place, i would start selling un-numbered Original Grey Playstation 4s and make the market for the numbered ones Tank! It would help fix the problem and you could still defend your decision to all those complainers on eBay that you aren’t numbering these ones!

Sony PS4 Greatness Awaits Display

I’m Calling you out Sony! Defend your honor to one of your fans!

I’m just saying that something needs to be done! Someone needs to stand up for the loyal fans, and who better than the ones they are fans of. Sony, I’m devastated that I didn’t get one of your awesome Playstation 4s, and I am even more devastated for the reasons that it happened. Please make this right, however possible. I know I’m not the only one out there! Call to Arms! Who feels cheated that they didn’t get a 20th Anniversary Original Grey PS4!!! Let your voice be heard!!! #DownWithPS20Moneygrubbers! Hells Yeah! Come on Sony! Help us out here! Aren’t you guys the ones who are always saying “Greatness Awaits”?

The Peaceful Warrior and Weed

I recently took ill a couple of days ago, and had a chance to catch up with some movies that I had been collecting on my shelf. One of those gems was Peaceful Warrior. If you haven’t had the chance to watch it, I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s a life changer of a movie. An Amazingly Awesome friend introduced it to me during a time in my life when I desperately needed some guidance. It was the first of many steps I took to start really getting what I need out of life. I think it was also the most important of the steps.

Peaceful Warrior Movie Poster

Awesome Movie! Awesome Book!

However, when I watched it this time, I made a connection with a previous topic I have touched on several times in this blog. Specifically the topic of Smoking Pot. Upon watching portions of the movie where “Socrates” is trying to teach Dan that there is never nothing going on, I realized that the way of the Peaceful Warrior and the effects of Marijuana on the mind have an inverse correlation.

In the past, when I have talked about my experiences with Mary Jane, I have mentioned a “shrinking” of the world around me. More specifically it has been a “shrinking” of my awareness. First, I drop all awareness of the universe, Then the rest of the planet leaves all conscious thought, then my country is all that is left, then the state I’m in. Before I know it, the town, the world outside and even for a brief period the rest of the house is all non-existent within my head. All responsibilities and worries tied to those places and the things in them have dropped away. They might as well no longer exist at all. That’s the feeling that kept me drawn to smoking weed. After my “Bad-Trip” I never touched the stuff again, and never will. Curiously though, after watching Peaceful Warrior again, I think this may be a good thing for me.

Spoiler Alert Comical Image

You have been warned!

“There’s never nothing going on… There are no ordinary moments.” – Dan Millman, Peaceful Warrior

In the Movie, the Character Socrates attempts to heighten the awareness of the character Dan. At one point (after a hilarious scene at a bridge) he gives Dan a dose of clarity with some kind of pressure point move. During another point he makes him sit on a Car for hours until he comes to the realization stated above.

In the Book they have a conversation where Socrates asks him a series of questions starting with “Where are you?” in which Dan answers (among others) “the Universe”. To which Socrates replies “And Where is the Universe?”

I started thinking about the idea that there are no ordinary moments. At every possible moment, somewhere, most likely in several places all over the universe, something AMAZING is happening. Becoming a Peaceful Warrior is about being able to see that thing. If not in person, than at least in your minds eye. There is always something beautiful to behold.

World looming over head

All those problems… are still on your shoulders.

I believe now that Pot dims the light that lets us see those amazing things. It turns the universe into a dark place that you don’t bother thinking about because “out of sight, out of mind”. Then, when it starts to wear off, the light slowly gets brighter showing you all the scary things that have crept up on you in the dark. Had your light not gone out, you could have kept an eye on those things, but now they loom over you like evil ogres in shadows of your mind.

Of course, this is all just my opinion and speculation. I just wanted to talk about the strange connection between a random movie and a drug that will be legalized in Alaska very soon. Like I said before, I don’t mind if anyone wants to go and smoke some weed every now and then. I just won’t be in your smoke circle. And now I have one more reason to say why.

Thank you for your time!

Amateur Brunette Teen does something so Hardcore, your Pussy Ass can’t handle it.

Sorry to disappoint you, I just wanted to see how many hits I could get. You see I read an article on [SPLOID] about the 500 most used tags on Xvideos and I wanted to see if using those few highest tags in a blog post would equal a lot of hits. Maybe it did if you’re here.

So here is your reward:

Two hot chicks kissing halfnaked on a bunch of beer kegs. Man I wish you could see it!

Credit goes to and whomever they give credit to.

This is, in my opinion, the most badass image you get when typing in “amateur brunette teen hardcore pussy ass” into Google with the SafeSearch Filter on.

I should probably also take this time to do something good with this power. So once your done “doing your thing” please take the time to visit and maybe donate to one of these charities:

ALS Association:

The Wounded Warrior Project:

American Diabetes Association:

Alzheimer’s Association:

ADD/ADHD: How does anyone SQUIRREL!!!-ing deal with this?!?!


Boy that person has shiny buttons on their shirt!

Let me start this off the right way. I have not been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. There has not been any medical examination to tell me whether or not I have it for sure. However, this has not been without a lack of trying. Without giving away too much information (not that it’s hard to find), I live in a small town in Alaska that is located roughly 100 miles from Anchorage. The medical facilities here leave much to be desired. Almost a year ago I went to my doctor to talk about the fact that I was sure that I have ADD.

[Just a side note: I’m going to refer to ADD/ADHD as ADD especially when refering to myself from here on out. I don’t seem to have the H, but the more I lose weight (I am currently 300+lbs) I feel myself getting more antsy and “hyper”.]

When I went to my doctor and expressed my concerns, he said that he would be glad to help me, but neither he, nor anyone else in the town is properly qualified to diagnose ADD. He contacted the local Mental Health Agency and said they would call within 3 days. I went home and eagerly awaited the call… for five days. I then called the hospital, who referred me to the Mental Health Agency. I called them, and when they couldn’t find me in the system, they took my information and put me on the “list”. Almost a year later and I’m still waiting for that call. And if they do call, my first words to them will be “Well thank goodness I wasn’t suicidally depressed!!!”.

All I wanted out of that doctor visit was to confirm or deny my suspicions. Anybody can tell you they are sick with some condition, but it takes a doctor to make it believable and worthy of action. That’s what I wanted. If I had a doctor confirm to the best of his/her ability that I have ADD, I would like to pursue some help with it.

I have done a lot of “Internet” research on the subject of ADD. Mostly I have been looking through Tips, Tricks, and Hacks to help me with my tendencies. I have come to understand myself a lot better now, and I have found out things about myself that I have never known, but have been witness to the effects and aftermath. After hearing the descriptions and stories from people all over who have been diagnosed, I am 100% positive that I have Attention Deficit Disorder. (However, I would still like a diagnosis.)

One mind looking in all directions for stimulation

One mind looking in all directions for stimulation

So what is it like to have ADD? There is a lot of ignorance on the subject, and we’ve all heard the jokes (Hell, I used the most common one in the title of this post!). I have heard many descriptions from diagnosed individuals, but I feel we can always use one more. Therefore, I would best describe having ADD as being trapped in a mind that is always looking for stimulation. You are always on the lookout for something interesting and entertaining. It’s the simplest explanation I could come up with.

The scientific explanation (so far as we have discovered) says that people with ADD have a lack of Dopamine within their brain. I think this fits with my description of what it’s like to have ADD. Dopamine is the “Feel Good” hormone in our brain. It’s the reward system of our body. Whenever you do something good (eat chocolate, have sex, hug a loved one, etc) dopamine is released in your brain to tell you Hey, you should do that again. Dopamine is also a neurotransmitter which is essential for the function of the brain. Without Neurotransmitters, your neurons can’t transmit and your brain goes dead (this falls into the “Bad Things” category). Now I am not a scientist, (though I have thought about pursuing that field) but I think that if a brain were hurting for dopamine, it would look as long and as hard as possible for stimulation to create dopamine! Therefore, people with ADD tend to drift and have a really hard time doing mundane tasks.

Probably the first real evidence that I have ADD (that I am aware of) happened when I was in middle school. My grades would be great at the beginning of the year and then start to get worse towards the middle of the year. I would come back in to class and my homework would be partially done or not done at all. I would have trouble realizing that an upcoming due date for a project was really happening next week. (terms like the 18th meant nothing to me.) If we had to repeat a lesson because someone didn’t understand, I would get frustrated even though I understood why we had to do it. You might be reading this thinking “well this kid just hated school” or “well you just weren’t being smart” or something etc. etc. Well turns out, that’s what my Parents and Teacher thought as well. However, I would continuously frustrate them because all of my test scores were awesome! That’s basically what it came down to in the end. Bad at homework, great at tests.

This trend continued straight through high school. I would do terrible at finishing my homework, and then ace the tests. Especially Math. Math was the bane of my existence. We would spend all day learning how to do a bunch of math problems, and then they would send me home with 50 more to do. I didn’t like math at all. If I knew how to do the problem I didn’t want to do 50 more of them. I could sometimes choke down the ability to get it done some nights, but it was SO HARD to concentrate on doing math problems when my brain was looking for something, ANYTHING more entertaining to do. And when you are sitting in your bedroom filled with all of your cool stuff and video games… you’re pretty much doomed from the start. I was bored! That’s basically all it came down to. I would love school if the lessons were shorter and we had just moved on when it was learned.

What were we talking about again?

What were we talking about again?

That’s why people who have ADD will talk about how they go off on these little tangents. It’s the Drifting that they talk about, and the source for the “SQUIRREL!” Joke (Besides the movie UP). Basically You can be talking to someone, and they will say a word that will trigger a thought process that you end up following for a while, inside your head until you snap back to reality and realized you have missed almost all of the story of how their workday sucked. The exact same thing goes for reading. You can read a paragraph about something and the word “list” reminds you that you have to go to the grocery store, because part of your ritual for going to the grocery store  involves making a list. Then you imagine yourself going there and getting something like a banana, but all of a sudden you are thinking of your friend Joe and his relationship with Brandina because you saw them the last time you were there buying bananas and they looked like they were a bit tense. Then you start thinking about how your last relationship with your girlfriend/boyfriend went and how things could have worked out had you only been listening to her when she was telling you about how bad her workday was. Eventually you will get back to reading and you’ll have to start back at the last sentence you remember, but you have to take those little trips, because your brain needs the stimulation and it’s the one calling the shots.

That’s why life is hard for a person with ADD. They need the stimulation all the time, and if they aren’t getting it, they’ll sure as hell look for it. Chores become more of a chore than they already are. To normal people this might sound like a slight inconvenience, but to a person with ADD, this can become a source of stress that is nigh impossible to overcome. I hate doing daily chores, but I live alone so I have no choice but to do them. The problem is, when I do something around the house, I have a problem finishing it. I will eat food and then leave my plate wherever I am. I will start a project, then leave a mess. I will watch movies and play games, but not put anything away. Therefore, daily chores become this never ending battle for my own house.

And that’s just one aspect of my day!

Here is one of my days in a nutshell, in fact, this is probably exactly how tomorrow will go:
I will wake up. Spend my morning rushing around getting ready for work. Work 8 to Noon. Go home for Lunch. Work 1 to 5. Come home and eat something light. Go pickup my buddy for swimming. Swim at Open Swim from 6:30 to 8. go home and eat dinner. Waste time online until I go to bed at 11ish. The next day will go exactly the same minus the swimming. I have been trying to replace it with some other exercise routine.

I try to fit as much entertainment into those 5-6:30 and 8-11ish time slots that I can in order to keep sane. Chores are the last things on my mind during the week. But you have to do them, so I fit them in wherever I can. Mostly this occurs on the weekends. I have found a few ways of making chores easier. The two most effective ways are listening to Audiobooks or stand up comedians while I work. Then there is also doing the chores in small blocks of time sandwiched by periods of rest. ( is a great resource for that).

Just keep Swimming, Just keep swimming!

Just keep Swimming, Just keep swimming!

My point is (I think) How is anyone supposed to live with their brain being wired abnormally? I can think of many other conditions that would be worse having, but how is anyone supposed to live with it? My only answer to myself has been one step at a time, one problem at a time. “Just Keep Swimming” as Dory from Finding Nemo would say.

Do you have ADD/ADHD? Hearing my story, do you think I have ADD/ADHD? What signs did you have? Did you notice it before others did? What knowledge can you pass on to me or anyone else who may be reading? please leave a comment down below!

Thank you for your time!