My Weight Loss Journey: Part 1 Why?

I have a confession to make… I’m a big fat guy!

Sure, I can point it out and laugh, just as anybody else could… and did, back in my school days! I can accept it as a part of who I am and just move on with my life. OR… and here is the awesome part… I could fight against it!

 Shadow of the Colossus by ChasingArtwork

Shadow of the Colossus by ChasingArtwork

When you think of the word “Epic”, many things might spring to mind. The thing that springs to mind for me is a single hero, with the support of many, going to war against an unimaginably huge army for a cause of saving everything! Or maybe that hero is facing an enemy so large that there is seemingly no way that he could possibly survive the encounter, much less win. I like to think of my weight loss journey the same way. After all of the times I have tried and failed at losing weight, that’s what this has become, an Epic battle against insurmountable odds that truly are stacked against me.

Yet, throughout all of my trials and tribulations, one question seems to keep popping up out of nowhere. Why? Why are you fighting this battle? Why do you keep moving forward? Why wont you just give up already? This question is a test. It’s the puzzled look on the bowman’s face after he has just shot an arrow into your shoulder and you continue to charge! It’s the look in the eyes of the Giant who has just finished trying to shake you off of him for the 8th time. It’s the astonished look on the enemy general’s face as you walk towards him unscathed passed a pile of his dead soldiers. It comes up at some of the worst times too! It shows up 3/4 through that run when your hitting your wall. It shows up just as the reps start to hurt. And it always shows up when you’re staring at that last big hill before the finish line. You see it hanging there… all goes quiet… and in your mind, the loudest whisper in existence… WHY?

Nerd Fitness Academy BannerMost recently this question popped up in a new program that I’m trying called Nerd Fitness Academy. In it, you take your desire for health and fitness and put it in the form of a Role Playing Game. You name your character, choose your class (warrior, Ranger, Assassin, Druid, etc) and it gives you quests to complete on that chosen path. You can stray from your path as much as you want, or stay firm on your chosen course. Regardless of the path, one of the First quests is titled “Find Your Big Why” This makes sense, because at times it’s the only deciding factor in your decision to keep going or sit on the couch and down a box of cookies.

a picture of me.

Told Ya!

Now, I could take the easy way out and just look at the top line of this blog. I’m a big fat guy! That’s a pretty good “Why” right??? No… that’s way too easy! We need to dig deeper! Why do any of us want to lose weight? I can name a few of those I relate to. To be healthy, to fit into better clothes, to look sexy for the ladies, to have more confidence at work, to have more energy, and to have the options to do more activities are all good reasons. I think this is close, but I feel like we need to go at least One more layer down to really get to the heart of it.

If you are going to find your why, you have to be completely and brutally honest with yourself. This is YOURSELF you are talking to. Don’t beat around it. Just say it and get it off your chest. Not only will you feel better, but you will finally be able to move forward and in my Nerd Fitness case I will be able to get some “XP” in the process. If bringing your “Why” to the surface, doesn’t make your eyes well up at least a little, your doing it wrong and you need to go deeper. Find what you are here for Emotionally. It’s the only fuel your engine will take.

Here it goes! Fragdemented, why do you want to lose weight?

It’s not just one thing… It’s Everything! I’m sick and tired of always being sick and tired! I wan’t to know what it’s like to feel like a normal human being! Sure every guy imagines himself as the winner of the strongman competition or the sexy male lead in an action movie that all the women swoon over, but I just want to be normal! Is that so fucking hard to ask?

I’ve had people on multiple occasions suggest lap band surgery or stomach stapling! Why in the hell should I have to cut into my body and artificially modify it?!?! It shouldn’t be this hard to be a normal sized individual. I can’t just live my life and be a normal size, I have to spend several hours of my day exercising, and the way things are looking I will have to continue doing so for the rest of my life. jim carrey tweetThat’s an even better “Why”! Why do some of us need to practically kill ourselves to be healthy and others can spend all day indulging on the sweets of life and never gain a pound?!?!?! I hate it! I hate being Fat!

I want to know what it’s like to have someone admire me for my body. I want to be able to walk into a store and pick out clothes my size no matter where i am. I want to not have to ask the stewardess in an airplane for a seat belt extension. CAN’T THEY JUST BUILD RE-TRACTORS INTO THE SEATS AND MAKE THE BELTS LONGER?!?!?!?! I want have the satisfaction of not worrying if something will hold my weight. I want to be able to zip up my jackets. I want to not have to pull my pants up over a giant belly flab!  I want to eat an ice cream cone and not worry about the calorie intake. I want to eat ALL of  my meals and not worry about the calorie intake!

Skinny people all over the world, you have NO IDEA what it’s like to be stuck in a fat body! You have no idea the pain and agony we put ourselves through emotionally and physically! Can you say that you worked your ass off to lose 57 pounds in two months only to have it fall right back into your body in half the time!? I certainly can, and it’s some of the most crushing emotional pain you will ever experience in your life!

fat guy in a little coat

Why am I here? Why am I constantly torturing myself by changing the way I eat, the food I eat, and the activities I do? Because I want to know what I’m doing wrong! Something is seriously and horribly wrong with the way I live and I don’t know what it is. I’m depressed all the time, I’m lethargic all the time, there are days when I can’t think straight at all, and I don’t know what I can do about it.

I don’t eat much. When I have a meal now, it usually consists of a couple spoonfuls of meat (turkey, beef, chicken), and a mixture of vegetables that I steamed up a bit. I’m drinking water all the time, and I don’t drink coffee anymore. I’ve switched entirely to tea with the one exception of a chai latte from the coffee shop sometimes.

piggy swimming

This is pointless

I am exercising every single day now. I go lap swimming every other day on the weekdays, usually completing anywhere between 36 and 48 Fifty yard laps and 192 pull-ups on the bars at one end of the pool! Doesn’t that sound awesome and healthy?! last year I was able to jog a full 5k! I’m pretty sure I still could, but would it do me any good?

My weight doesn’t want to budge. I still weigh 366lbs! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??? That’s why I’m here. I have to solve the puzzle. I have to know my body! Only when I figure it all out, will I be able to move on to other important things in my life.

I hope you enjoyed reading my angry weight loss rant. I plan to do more of these in the future. They will mostly be based on the things I’ve learned on my weight loss journey. If you are trying to lose weight, let me know your “Why?” in the comments below! I would love to hear that I’m not alone in my struggle. Feel free to ask questions or let me know any future topics you would like me to write about!

Thank you for your time!


Fixing the Education of America

Picture from

Picture from

I am not a Teacher. I am not a PHD in anything. I am not a professor and I am certainly not Valedictorian. I am, however, a student of my past. I think a lot about what I have done in order to fully understand the reasons I did them. My past experience with education systems has lead me to an amazing truth that must be told to the world.

We are teaching our kids the wrong way.

You have heard it all before. You have heard how the school systems are shutting down health classes to give kids more time in the classes that only work their brains. You have heard how the schools have been have a hard time with their funding because the kids can’t pass the tests. There is a reason all of this is happening. There is a reason that kids have a bad attitude in public school. There is a reason why the majority doesn’t pass the tests and why we are now offering High School Equivalencies instead of Diplomas. The answer lies within the kids attitudes.

I remember back in my days of middle school. I would go through school just like the rest of the kids. Answering questions, talking in groups, making the most of my time their. The problem came when math class rolled around. Do not get the assumption that I am going to tell you that I was horrible at math until a teacher showed me a teaching method that turned my life around. No, I was very good at math. Not that you could tell though, my grades always began to plummet after the middle of the semester. I would stop bringing my homework in get zeros and have to make up the grades later. My teacher was always baffled by this. Why? because no matter how low my daily grades got, my test scores were always immaculate.

This always happened in all of my classes all throughout high school. My daily grades would suffer and yet all my tests had good scores. In fact I made it to pre-calculus until I opened up the chapter on “imaginary numbers” and said “That’s enough for me!” After that, I only ever did enough to pass.

Why did I do things that way? Was I not absorbing the information? If that were true wouldn’t my test scores have been low? I pondered this for a long time after graduation. I finally figured out what it was. It was staring me right in the face the entire time. The answer: I was Bored!

image from

image from

That’s right, I was bored! I was bored because we would spend an hour and a half on a single topic (I know, my school system has wierd schedules), and then the teacher would say “Well that’s enough of that topic for today! Your homework today is the 50 problems on page Twenty!” I would, of course, not do the work because life got in the way. You know, video games, chores, TV, going outside, hanging with friends. That was the kind of life that got in the way. I would say to myself “We went over it in class. I know how the thing works. I don’t need to do 50 problems more. It’s boring and won’t help me understand it more than I already do!” The next morning, I would march into class with no homework and get a zero for the day. I would also have to face the embarrassment of not handing in my homework in front of my fellow students.

I think this boredom problem affects all students and we are approaching the method of teaching wrong. There should be no reason that a kid should be sent home to do a huge number of problems from a text book. THAT IS WHAT SCHOOL IS FOR! The learning needs to be done in a classroom and it needs to be done differently to save time. Maybe that way we can pass the tests and cram some physical education in there too!

What is the solution? I do not have all the answers, but I can put us a step in the right direction. Imagine a class full of kids. The teacher is standing at the front of the class and the lesson is on the board. Today’s lesson: Multiplication. The teacher should spend the first few minutes of the class explaining what it is and how to do it and even giving some helpful tips (like holding up your fingers when multiplying by nines). After s/he is done with the lesson, The students should be asked to create and solve at least ten of their own problems. Then the students will be asked one by one to come up to the board to make an example question and answer it in front of the class. During this time the teacher can check his work on the paper handed in. An assesment will be made if the student understands the subject. If he doesn’t the teacher will help him. If he does, he will help any student’s after him who don’t understand along with the teacher. By the end, everyone should know the subject so well that they can answer any problems that come at them no problem and now we can move on to the next lesson.

This method of teaching will also help develop social skills. Kids will be braver about talking in front of a crowd. They will learn to work together to understand the problems and no one will be left in the back of the class because everyone will have their time at the front. They will also have more time at home for whatever they need because no homework should be neccesary.

image from

image from

The only other solution I have is to stop wasting time teaching our kids things that they don’t really need to learn. I spent an entire semester with the rest of my school learning the 50 states and their respective capitol’s by heart. I still know most of the Wakko’s America song by heart. I have never used that information since middle school except to prove that I knew the material to my friends. Kids need to know useful things. They need to know how to survive in the world and solve real world problems. The 50 states don’t come in handy when your tire goes flat on your car. I don’t need to know all of the presidents, just the ones that are important, maybe then I can have room for information on eating right for my health. I don’t need to know that Steinbeck was making a reference to the bible when he wrote the last scene of “Of Mice and Men”. I could, however, use the information of how to fill out those long forms at the hospital! Give our kids information they are going to use.

Even if you give kids information that is useless, try to give it in a more tempting way. I was fed the word “pi” in just about every math class I can remember. I always new it was never ending and I always new its relationship to circles, but did you know “the why of pi”? Pi is a never ending number because the only way we have been able to get it is through measurment. If you give a man a ruler and a string and a circle and tell him to find the exact number of pi and then compare his answer to the man sitting next to him, they will not have the exact same answer. Why? because measuring is not an exact science. You can’t see molecules with your naked eye, and string can stretch and the width of the line on the ruler comes into play as well. The only way we have been able to get pi to the (i don’t remember what it is now, billionth?) decimal point is because we use things like electron microscopes. If you want to get an exact number for pi and make all of our circular objects perfectly round from now on, you need to calculate it. Do not measure, calculate. You need to make an equasion. Did you also know that if you are successful in making that equasion, there are several universities that are ready to drop $1 Million dollars in your lap? How is that for incentive?

After learning all this I spent a month straight with a notebook and calculator in my hand trying desprately to come up with the answer. If I had known abou this in school I would have become an expert in geometry. I would have been obsessed with my school work. Alas, they did not tell me any of this, so here I sit. I am not rich and every circle in the world is flawed.

These are the things that need to change. If the education system is not working, then it needs to be fixed. Kids are smarter these days then they used to be. The education system needs to evolve with them or, God forbid, it will become extinct.